The Totally Awkward Wedding Reception

(Today is Tuesday so I will, once again, participate in Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesday tradition. This post is lengthy, sorry, but includes one of my most embarrassing moments EVER.)

My senior year in college, my good friends Susan and Bob asked me and Terrance if we would emcee their wedding reception. Terrance and I weren't dating or anything but we had been performing on the same improv team for a few years. And we were both good friends of Susan and Bob so, of course, we both agreed.

No Bridezilla in this mix, let me assure you. This would be a modest event - your typical church basement reception. You know - no drinking or dancing and plenty of ham and cheese rolls. (For what it's worth, this denomination has come a long way. People weren't even allowed to go to the movies when my father attended my Alma Mater whereas I was finishing up my minor in film studies.)

When Bob and Susan got married, it was trendy to get the bride and groom to kiss by doing something OTHER than using your spoon to clink on the glassware. Or at least, it was important to Bob and Susan that people do something other than bang their spoons on their glasses. Some common alternatives I had seen at that time included putting money into a basket after which the bride and groom would kiss (the money would ultimately be given to the bride and groom, of course), getting your table to sing at least 4 lines from a song that had the word "love" in it (this one often made me feel embarrassed for people who couldn't sing), and then there was getting a couple to stand up and kiss each other -- after which the bride and groom attempt to imitate the couple's kiss. The more dramatic the better, apparently.

It was this last one that I'd never seen done before but Petra, one of our roommates, assured me she'd just served as an MC at a wedding reception and that this "game" had gone over beautifully. So, upon Petra's urging, I added the "get couples to kiss to get the bride and groom to kiss" activity to the list of things to do at Bob and Susan's reception.

The preparation was simple enough.
- Write numbers on the back of each person's place card.
- At the reception, explain that a random number would be called.
- Explain that if you're number was called, you were to kiss your mate/date and then the bride and groom would kiss each other, imitating you and the kiss you had just given your mate/date.

Terrance and I sat at a table close to the head table so we had easy access to the podium. Bob and Susan put many of our friends at our table so we didn't get stuck sitting with people we didn't know. Our friend Jim noticed a number on the back of his place card and said, "What's this? I hope it isn't for one of those stupid wedding reception games..."

I smiled nervously and tried to dismiss his comment. "I don't know. I guess you'll have to wait and see."

Once people had their fill of luncheon meats and potato salad, Terrance and I assumed our positions and began letting people know how the afternoon would likely proceed. You know - where to put your gifts if you hadn't already, where you could make an extra gift (of cash) to go to the bride and groom's honeymoon, etc.

Then I explained that Bob and Susan requested we NOT use our silverware to clink on our glassware to get them to kiss. Instead, there were a few different ways to get them to show off their affection for one another. I felt a little sheepish about this given the way I'd avoided Jim's question earlier but, you know, the show must go on. So, I started to explain that everyone had a number on the back of their place card, a random number would be called and if you're number was called, kiss your mate/date and then the bride and groom would kiss each other, blah blah blah.
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It's probably important to note that not only was I not married at this time, I wasn't dating anyone and wasn't thinking of ever getting married. I wasn't uncomfortable about that but I was aware that there were other people at the reception who, like me, were not accompanied by a date. I was sensitive to that, so...
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I added, "And if you're not sure who to kiss, well, you know, this could be your opportunity to let someone know that you think they're special or something." This last was said, of course, light-heartedly, simply to help single-folks feel a little more at ease.

I remember the first number I called because I picked a number based on when my sister was born. "62?" I called out. "One of my sisters was born in 1962..." Wouldn't you know it? It was Jim's number. Jim, the guy who had said, "I hope it isn't for one of those stupid wedding reception games."

Jim came up to the podium. Our friends were all laughing. Jim did not look amused. I reiterated how this was supposed to work and Jim continued to stand there. Jim's fiance' was sitting at our table. I was wondering what the problem was. How difficult could it be to simply go back to our table, give her a kiss and let Bob and Susan move on with their kissing? I sort of motioned toward Madeline with my hand, raised my eyebrows and said, "Well...?"

And then, as if people's thoughts didn't need to be verbalized but instead bubbled out of their heads and bumped into you, I suddenly SAW what Jim was thinking. My smile quickly faded as... Jim leaned in and planted one right on MY lips.

If you think our friends were laughing before, you should've heard the uproar now. I was totally embarrassed. So much for Terrance's help and support - he was also laughing. Everyone was laughing. Well, everyone except me, of course. I was wearing a fuchsia dress and my face flushed to match. Bob and Susan didn't care. They followed instructions and promptly, enthusiastically kissed.

I called out another number. This time it belonged to the wedding photographer. He was a man with a full head of white hair and wore a lavender sports jacket. (I'm not making that up, I swear!) He was in the back of the hall when I called his number. He quickly made his way to the podium, put his arm behind my back, dipped and kissed me, as well! When Bob put his arm behind Susan and dipped her, Susan even turned her face away from Bob imitating me and my... surprise. I was mortified, but everyone roared with laughter. Well, everyone except the mother-of-the-bride.

Visibly stressed, she came up to me and said, "Judi, please play some improv games or something. All this kissing needs to stop!"

"This is one of the games Susan wanted to play!" I defended myself. "I'll call Terrance's number next. He'll kiss someone else."

I'm sure you can see where this is going. I went to the table, looked at Terrance's place card and called his number. Son-of-a-bitch if my own partner in crime didn't betray me. He also kissed me -- as I believe everyone was expecting, I might add. Bob and Susan followed and it was clear that the game was no longer "if you're number is called, kiss your mate/date." It was "if you're number is called, kiss Judi!"

I talked to Terrance today and asked him, "How did the reception end? How did we stop calling out numbers? How did we get out of that?" He couldn't remember. He was too busy laughing at the recollection of the story. But he did say, "That was totally awkward... but funny!"

Four years later I attended Susan's brother's wedding. Henry, Susan's brother, also performed on the improv team with me and Terrance and he married a really good friend of mine. Henry and June involved me in their reception and even had the same photographer (without the lavender sports jacket this time). I am happy to report, however, that their reception was outside, there WAS alcohol and the only person who kissed me was my date. :)